My Journey

So here is a little more about me, my journey, and why I decided to start this blog.

I am 24 years old and for much of my life I was over weight or even obese. I always longed to be thin, because I come from a family that has very few people that are challenged in that way. I would always hear ” you would look SO good if you only lost a couple of pounds” and then as I got older it sounded more like “Don’t you want a girlfriend? You know you won’t get one if your over weight.” Yeah I know  I dont have very many family members with a filter or sensitivity gene. So this caused me to just eat more to get back at all the comments. I would try and try for years and yes I would lose 10lbs and then I would lose 20lbs, but since it was through extreme dieting and STARVATION I would gain it all back.

At the age of 21 something clicked in my head when I saw pictures taken at my birthday dinner. I had eaten probably 2000 calories in one meal and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and even that didn’t cause me to react. but I saw the picture and I knew I had to do something. It started out slowly and I started cutting out all the junk and started eating more healthy foods. Then I started going to the gym and just walking on the treadmill. For many of us who have carried lots of weight  we know that any excercise is grueling . That’s why I always recommend walking or something or just moving around before attempting to run or even do more intense forms of excercise. The weight began to just come off. I set small goals at first, because I knew that if I set a huge goal I would most likely fail like I did in the past. I adopted what I know now as a healthy lifestyle. Or so I thought.

I did lose all the weight. Within a year I had actually lost around 95 lbs. I knew I wanted to lose more but I had achieved a huge goal. However I didn’t realize I had also gained what I consider now ( and I use the term losely because I have never spoken to a professional ) an eating disorder. I literally feared food or foods that were not on my list of acceptable food. For a year I had not eaten a bite of a cake, ice cream, or what I called “BAD CARBS”.  This slowly began to isolate me and I really was not enjoying life but I knew I a friend in weight loss. So I kept at it. All the while I had a great job, I was doing well in school and I began to just think that the comment about me being too thin was from stupid unhealthy people.  The lowest I got was about 15lbs less than what I am now. I hid behind rituals and only eating acceptable foods. My family members  would make comments  and I would hear the comments from people all over. But I still could not accept that I was hurting my self.

About 8 months ago I think I saw the light through family help and simply just realizing all my sacrifices were making me soooo unhappy. I had worked so hard to get into grad school and to continue losing wieght. But I had never learned how to maintain weight loss . I began to follow healthy eating blogs and began to try to just eat what most of society call healthy foods. I decided I wanted to be healthy and I knew that it would be a journey. I still have moments and days when I really just want to revert to old behaviors, but I know that little by little I achieve a Healthy Lifestyle with a few indulgences here and there. Life is about the Journey and I want to Enjoy it all the way. I know that expressing what I have gone through will only help me through this journey and hopefully I will meet others that can help me through this journey. Hopefully I can also help someone whos has gone through this or is still going through this. At either end of the spectrum. From being overweight to simply killing ourselves to meet an unhealthy standard.

STAY HAPPY!

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